I think the world is ending. Weather this fucking hot and humid screams apocolypse to me. It's four o'clock in the fucking morning, this shouldn't even be possible. FYI, Northern NY? Sucks. Never come here. At least in Texas, apartments and houses came with central A/C. Here there are two options if you don't want to spend a fucking fortune. Window unit, or a fan. And fans? Pretty much just push hot air at you. I bought a window unit and it crapped out on me not that long ago. I'll get a new one, but right now? I have to suck it up and deal because this transfer is pretty much sucking up every spare cent. I'll remember this next time I'm planning a move. I'll remember to save double what I think I need because everything that could have gone wrong, has, and life generally just sucks right now. I was convinced I'd died and gone to hell to pay for...well, whatever the fuck, but I found ice in the freezer, which was awesome. I figure hell doesn't have awesome. *sigh*

Finished bitching for now.

Next update will be sent off sometime today. I finished going over it last night, and there's one scene that I think I want to cut, but haven't because I'd feel like an evil bitch. *shrug* Besides, it works, so I'm going to leave well enough alone, or something like that. I'll send it to Sharon when I get off work (couple hours; this isn't healthy). If she's as quick with this chapter as she usually is, it should be up sometime tomorrow.

EVERY FUCKING ONE. Just sayin'.

Also...this is probably better news, and actual news in the first place but...

DONE.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Seriously.

Just give me a week to fix a few details, and I'll send it off for editing.

Did I mention I LOVE EVERY FUCKING BODY?

Because, I do. Really, a lot. Seriously, thank you, EVERYONE for sticking with me through this.... extended thank you's and all that stuff I'm sure you don't really care about (but you'll forgive me for because I FINISHED, right?) will be posted after the epilogue, but I just wanted to say it now. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Some fics are really sick and disgusting and hard to get through. I read one, and I was cringing, thinking that I was fucking myself over, poisoning my mind with sickdirtywrong, but then...

Mostly it just made me want to write ridiculously naive teenagers to make myself feel better. Huh.

I sat at the keyboard and ran. Finishing up the epilogue. Now.

Go fucking me.

*runs off for some coffee*

Thank you EVERYONE here. You all helped and I feel better, AND I got a new book this afternoon...which I read and just finished and is sitting on my shelf now, the first in a series that I'll have to wait a year to get to read the next one, but HEY. I'm totally looking on the bright side of things. Which...awesome book. It's a bright side.

Some things really make me feel like a nerd. It's a good thing I'm okay with that.

Laura: *jumps up and down screaming and kicking with joy*
Shawn: What's up?
Laura: *squeals* I got a motorcycle today!!!!!!! fdksafjdskafdsi!!!

Me: *skips in, screaming and kicking with just as much joy*
Shawn: Let me guess...you got a motorcycle?
Me: *raises eyebrows* Uhm, no. I don't have a death wish.
Shawn: *nods reasonably* Well, then, what is it?
Me: I GOT The Demon's Lexicon. Finally!!!!!!jfdksalidai!!! I've only read three pages and I've already laughed like, twenty times. *runs off to start reading*
Shawn: ...Everyone here is insane *goes to eat some laundry detergent* Completely insane.

( The Demon's Lexicon )

So...just believe me, okay? Read The Demon's Lexicon. It's amazing. And even if I told everything and gave some of it away or even ALL of it in favor of telling you how great it is, I could NEVER do it justice. I don't have the talent to write a review that does this justice. Just...read it. *exhales* I feel so much better now.


And, I joke about a lot of things, but since I definitely was NOT joking about my sister eating laundry detergent (not because she's suicidal but she actually thinks it tastes good, consequences be damned), I'm going to go and check on her again. That's not actually going to make her sick, is it? She seems fine...

I look at how much I've written so far with IDT, and how much I have left to write...and it just doesn't even compare. It might as well be a drabble. A sentence. It's damn near nothing at all in comparison, and I still feel like the end is so fucking far away.

But I push on.

Ugh, it's getting there. I'm working on it now. It will get done. I promise.

But I kind of need a break. So, if you've got the time, come tell me a fucking story. True or not or whatever. About anything. Or leave me links to stories or fun/funny things, or tragic, horrible, sad things, or possibly pictures of mud, or whatever, really because anything is better than the mushy nothing that is my brain right now. Distract me, and I will be your bitch forever and ever.

So, the town in the story...is fictional. I'm pretty sure I was vague enough that it could fit tons of different places, but aside from T-bell, I've never seen any of the places I did include...if that makes sense. Except for one. Know that park where Jake and Shane 'met' and where they just spent time (at the lookout, on the monkey bars, and...whatever)? This isn't it, but I've got pictures. It doesn't really have much to do with the story, at all, but when I write them at the park, this is what I see. I don't really do it on purpose. Whenever I write a scene there, I end up cutting hundreds of words of superfluous description, partly so that the park in the story reads like just...an average swings and slides kind of park and partly because I know that I'm the only one who cares about that cutesy little bench beneath the willow tree and it actually isn't important...*eyeroll* Some details (or...just the one), like the 'lookout' stayed though, because they actually worked.

Anyway, I was there today, and I thought y'all might like to see it.

( Pictures )

People always ask how much of these experiences are my own. And the answer is none. At all. But the park? It's really difficult for me to not write it in a way that makes the park seem like it's a character in the story all on it's own. I'm hoping I succeeded. The park is kind of HUGE and I don't think the one in the story reads like the kind of historical touristy place with swimming pools, and obstacle courses, golf clubs, skiing (winter), beautiful stone pavilions and more scenery than you know what to do with. Oh and, you know, playgrounds. *shrug*

Some people just rock this fucking hard all the time.

My mind has been totally there, in that universe for the past since I started reading. It's AU RPS, but really, who the fuck cares? Because AU RPS is the exact same thing as original fiction and But Then My Homework Was Never Quite Like This is fully original. Actually, the only thing about it that isn't completely original are the names used, and really, all that means is that you'll have really fucking gorgeous boys to picture while you read.

There's so much about this fic I can't stop loving. Most notably is the attention to detail all over the place and it's... so fucking graceful. Never extraneous, always intriguing. There wasn't a second of reading that didn't have me completely *MUSH* The author painted the most vivid pictures but it never got tedious. It was...really very...tactile and emotional for me. I broke with the characters. I felt everything with them, and I really didn't have a choice in the matter. I got warm fuzzies when they were happy and my chest literally hurt when they weren't. I care about these characters.

The characters? So well developed, it makes me want to hide my face in SHAME. LAYERS, dude, layers.

The sex? Some of the most intense sex scenes I've ever read. Ever. The dialogue (during sex) threw me at first, but that's more of a me thing than anything else. And don't let that keep you away. It WORKS. It took me about two lines to get into it. Also? It's not all through the sex. This fic doesn't know how to be cheesy. It's fully appropriate, and real.

So, I could really go on and on, and I've tried to write this without giving away any of the story because...well, duh.

But the thing is, I'm having that feeling I get when I find something SO AWESOME I think it's wrong for me to NOT share it with everyone willing to take a second to listen to me. READ THIS.

NEARLY FINISHED. No joke. Soon, guys. Soon, I'll be finished with IDT. I'm really actually more excited than...anything else.

So, I was totally overreacting. About having my sister stay with me, that is. This kid is brilliant. AWESOME.

( Seriously fucking AWESOME )

Coffee totally counts as breakfast.

Especially when your fucked up schedule got tangled in your head and you forgot you said you'd stay three hours over so one of your coworkers could play wifey to her soon-to-be-absent-for-months-husband or whatever the fuck and you ended up getting a lot less sleep than you thought.

Her story was a lot more on the sweet side of things when I wasn't that person that's been awake for way over twenty four hours and crashing.

This can't be healthy. I don't mean my obsession with coffee, because fuck that, it's totally a major food group all on it's own, but I'm back to feeling like something's really got to give. I'm not really seeing what, and I hate bitching about all this, because, it's all necessary, but...*sigh* It gets exhausting. I figure I deserve a couple of moments of bitching about it every now and then.

( Cue Bitching...and lots more drama than I intended, so don't click if you're looking for light and fun )

So, *deep breath* I'm going to figure out a way to handle all of this. It's really not the end of the world, and I'm happy to have Shawn here, she really is a great kid, I just...need to adjust or something. I need to prioritize and get everything to...work.

So, all of that was way too much information, but I feel a little better for venting. And, really, as far as time I've got for myself, nothing's changed. It's not like I have to tuck her in and I live not that far from the school she's going to, it's just...taking a bit to adjust. And mostly it's the stress that's been stalling me.

Anyway, I wanted to give you all an update or something. And to let those that have been emailing me know that I haven't given up anything. I'm not dead. Nobody's dead. I'm fine, and I'm also not purposely ignoring anyone. I also haven't joined any cults or what have you. I'm just taking some time to settle in. This is a lot, for me. And it all happened really suddenly.

I shouldn't be long. Promise.

I think I meant to drop in and say, I'm around and working but...whatever, I talk too much. It's my cross. I bear it. Or something.

This doesn't really affect any of the stories I've got posted, but...

It's not fun having somewhere around ten thousand words of writing deleted, ever. It's even less fun when you actually thought they were good.

FAIL Laura. Seriously, wtf?

I'm pretty sure there's a lesson to be learned here somewhere, and it's one I've probably learned before. But see, I left it opened, unsaved for like...three minutes. I had to piss.

And Laura closed it. Because sometimes, she sucks.

Me: *enters room*
Laura: It was an accident.
Me: *dread* What'd you break now, Murphy?
Laura: I accidently closed that thing you had open. *rambling* I hit a key on the keyboard and when it asked yes, no, or close, I thought it was like one of those things that ask you to download and I just clicked no and then it disappeared. It was an accident... are you pissed? We're going to be fighting soon, aren't we?

And I wanted to be, still do, because that was actually about ten minutes ago, but whatever. It's not nice to yell at your gf while she's down and already clearly feeling bad. She's seen me angst, and drive myself crazy with the writing, so I kind of figured she didn't need me to panic and ask silly ass, dramatic 'do you have any idea what you just deleted?' questions. So I'm trying to let it go.

( I also have a hard time glaring at the pouty face )

Apparently, the title issue can be taken care of by saying what's in the post in advance. Simple.

I knew the dark brown was going to get depressing after a bit. It's getting changed soon. And so is my username as soon as I can think of something that isn't in use. I wish I were clever. *pouts*

IDT... I think I'm finished almost finished. And I think I want to finish it before I post anymore. Don't worry, it shouldn't take long. I had a lot of plans for this story, and the characters. There was a lot that I wanted to do with Shane, and I wanted to give you all more Chloe, but the story has a definite ending and I looked up, and... it was there. So... shouldn't be too long. I'll probably wait a few days between chapters, but...once I start posting, updates should come fairly quickly. We all know how I am with promises and such, but I THINK I should be ready to send this it off to Sharon within the week. If everything goes smoothly. I doubt it will, but either way, I fairly certain I'll be done with it before the month is out.

I put a lot of pressure on myself...writing this, and I doubt that's going to change any time soon. I think it's a good thing, it keeps me from slacking. But...it's more than a little frustrating.

I write for a lot of reasons, the most obvious is that I love to do it. There are always stories in my head, and writing them down lets me live them moment to moment. It's great fun for me even when it gets difficult. Even when I'm seconds from ripping my hair out, it's still what I want to be doing most all the time.

But, as I get closer to the end of IDT and everything is about tying up loose ends, or leaving them untied the RIGHT way and making sure everything makes sense written down the way it does in my head...Idk, it's difficult. In effort to keep writing and keep myself from getting fed up with writing ANYTHING, I write something else to remind myself why I love it. One Last Once More, and Forgetting to Forget were written for that reason...partly.

And now I've started something new. Even with OLOM and FtF, I have to make sure everything works and fits (and I KNOW I'm not explaining this right, but that's not the point) but this new thing... I've written just for me. It goes down the way I see it in my head, I haven't thought about ANYTHING in advance, I'm just writing. I'm fairly certain that quite a bit of it won't make any sense to anyone that isn't me, and that it's caked with cheese in places, and dripping sarcasm in others. It's overdramatic and... weird, but the point isn't to make a great story, it's to remind me how much I love writing. To keep me motivated.

It's been working. I don't think it's really...worth anything at all. I wasn't aiming for anything except to write the story that was taking up space in my head. It's...all wrong and it doesn't really work in a lot of places, but it's helped quite a bit.

EDIT: Because you should know...that I AM comfortable showing it. I wouldn't have brought it up if I weren't. There are hundreds of thousands of words I'll never show anyone. This was so much fun for me. I thought y'all might have a little fun with it too. It's just...not going to be like anything else I've written. I really do work myself into a ball of exhaustion with those and this was... fun for me. It mixes and mashes all the things I love into one clusterfuck story type thing.

I just don't want to tell how much I loved writing it, and have y'all think that it's going to be something epic and amazing with intricate plots, and twists and turns. It's not. It's just... fun. For me, it was.

So, my question is... did y'all want to see it? It'd be after I finished my current projects, but it's damn near finished NOW, and it's just going to rot on my hard drive unless y'all want a look at what stories look like when I just...GO. And kind of a look inside my crazy head without the filters. *shrug* Let me know if you want to see it before it goes in the trash and I start another 'just for me' thing. And I also wanted to know which story you all most wanted to see after IDT (aside from the 'just for me' thing). So... a poll. Two questions. Do you want to see my 'Just for me' Project, and aside from that, what do you want to read next?



Poll #1397942
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 20

Do you want to see it?

After In Due Time, what do you want to see next?

So, I'm a neurotic freak. But we know this, right.

Leonard: It must be hell in your mind.
Sheldon:...Sometimes.

( Freaks, boy wonders and CONVERSATIONS galore )

All that being said, I really do have all the respect in the world for the mothers out there that take care of their kids and kill themselves to raise them. I know y'all exist, and it gives me warm feelings. You all deserve way more than a day. So, Happy Mother's Day, five days early and every day from now til then.

I gave myself a break. Someone told me to take a step back, and I decided that person was GOD and listened. Or something. Anyhow, it worked. I wrote more and ended up with the longest chapter I've written so far, realized 'holy crap, I'm almost finished' and finally understood why I was having such a hard time. It sucks when it's coming to an end and, I think I was trying to put things off, or something. *shrug* Long story short, I was writing a lot of useless shit, maybe trying to drag this on? I don't know. But Sharon says it'll be done tonight. Which, is awesome, and she's kind of amazing.

So, replies right now, and I'll have fifteen up as soon as I get it back. Forgive the wait. Love to you all.

DEAD. Me.

I've finished Chapter fifteen of In Due Time about eight times, and I've deleted it every time. Now, I've finished again.

I cringe at the way it feels right now, and...seriously feel on the verge of doing the CTRL+A, Backspace thing but, I can't. I'm not sure if I'll be able to rewrite it... again. I feel like trying again will make me hate the story entirely, so... I'm going to sleep on it, check it over once more tomorrow, and send it off. My editor will let me know if it's in desperate need of...remodeling. I think I'm just really... exhausted.

But I thought y'all might like to know. I'm finished.

( TEASER TYPE THING )

Yeah, that's about sixty three words. And the only ones I think I'd keep if I were to try this over. *headdesk*